Guest Post: Dating, From Me to You

Hello lovies!

All of you single gals are in for a treat today.  Even if you're taken, you'll still love this post because it was written with matter-of-factness & wit.

Danae Matthews is a young gal living, loving and writing for an online health company Women’s Health Base in San Francisco. She has written the cutest post about dating "dos" and "donts."

Okay, Okay. I will stop talking & let Danae step in.

Here 'tis...

I have been living in San Francisco for going on five years and in my time here there is one thing I can say for certain: girls. be. trippin.

Now why do I say that? I’m sure this doesn’t just apply to San Francisco, I’m sure you could relate to me for wherever you are reading this, but if there is something that I consistently see is women not knowing how to act- with men. This is largely because half the females I know meet a man, that man tells them exactly what his intentions are from the very beginning, but because that female thinks this man is somehow holding back his feelings she pursues him anyway. This creates months of tears, drunken text messaging and my ear being talking off about some guy who told you from day one “he wasn’t looking for a relationship.” So for all my SFers and beyond, for all my comrades in love, these are just a couple of tips to keep in mind to avoid this ever happening to you. In no particular order.

If he tells you he isn’t looking for anything serious, it’s because he isn’t looking for anything serious with you.

No really. I know I sound like that book, but it’s true. Men are like animals in the sense that when they see something they really want (actually women are like this too) they feel the need to pee all over it and let all the other men know it’s theirs. If he isn’t metaphorically, symbolically, or physically (if you’re into that) peeing all over you-it’s because he isn’t too concerned about anyone snatching you up. This could be for a thousand reasons. Find one you’re comfortable with and make yourself believe it.

If he asks you on a date, a real date, assume he has the funds to take you out.

If a man asks you out- I mean calls you up and makes plan for a restaurant or event, when you get there PLEASE don’t suggest to split the bill. You’re a laddyyyy. Not his friend, not his buddy. Doing this will automatically make him think that you are trying to be. Trust me; it doesn’t make him think you are “cool.” A real man will want to pay for you, maybe not all the time forever and ever for the rest of your lives, but for the first date, yes.

Alternatively, if he asks you out and you end up sitting on his coach playing a video game, run away, run run run away!

He doesn’t like you. At least he doesn’t like you in the way that you want him to. He probably wants to have sex with you-but a relationship no.

If you’re on a date and he says something that is really off color, makes you uncomfortable or doesn’t stop talking SAY SOMETHING.

You’re a human being too. Most likely you’ve been to high school, hey probably/maybe college. I bet you have A LOT to add to the conversation, huh? If he starts monopolizing all conversation, makes an offensive joke or reaches across the table and grabs your cha chas; tell him, correct him or leave! I’ve heard too many bad date stories from friends who said how they sat there for two hours without saying anything. EW why? TWO HOURS? It’s your life too! That is two hours you could have spent finding the NEXT guy. Don’t be rude, just politely say whatever it is that you need to make the night better or end.

There is a time and way to make plans with you. I’m not suggesting playing games, but…

I’m just saying-making plans for dinner for 8PM at 5PM means something else that he was going to do that night fell through and he is calling you to bat clean-up. The proper way to set up a date would be a day or two before. Heck really he should make a date on a Monday for a date on Saturday and check-in on Friday to confirm- that would be ideal. The whole “hey wanna catch coffee in an hour” is reserved for someone you’re already dating.

Because I had one more thing to say…

My aunt always says “If it doesn’t look right, feel right, or smell right, it’s probably because it’s not.” I live my life by this. If you have to push something, or if you’re in a situation that just really makes you uncomfortable on more than one level get yourself out of there. You know yourself best, look out for you!

-Danae Matthews